8. Visit the Horniman Museum

I like to think I've visited most museums in London. There is one though, that always pops up on those '100 things to do in London' lists that I haven't visited. The Horniman Museum. I've heard lots of good stuff about it, but it's all the way in South London. I mean, they don't even have tube lines down there! However in the spirit of trying new things and leaving my comfort zone I decided to head to the museum this weekend. Before we arrived there was one thing I did know about the Horniman - it has a giant walrus, it's always in the promotional photos!

So to begin our journey South we jumped on a train to Clapham Junction, changed to another overground train and arrived at Forest Hill after about 30 minutes. What would you know, not that difficult to get to after all! From there it was a five minute walk up the hill to the museum. As we didn't know how long the sun would be out we decided to do things a bit backwards, and went past the museum entrance to wander in the gardens first.

We were there just in time to catch the last flowers of summer so it was lovely and colourful, especially the wild flower patches. The tended gardens looked good too but there's something about wild flowers that draws me in. I love how they grow untamed and free. If I ever have a place big enough I want a whole wildflower meadow. 

Just past these gardens there is a small animal walk through. It didn't open until later that day, and I figured it's geared towards kids rather than adults so we didn't want to hang around for it to open, but we saw a few residents without having to go in the actual walk through, Stuart's favourite: sheep!

There's also a big green, perfect for picnics, and above that a cafe and outdoor space, which today was being used for a farmers market.

It was a nice little market, with a veg stall, a butcher, a homemade chocolate stall and a few others. I could see it would be good if you lived locally but we didn't want to carry any stuff home so we headed to the top of the hill to check out the view across London.

Then switching from a landscape view to something a bit more closer, we enjoyed the summer flowers.

Then we headed back towards the museum, stopping off at the ornate greenhouse. I'm not sure why it was empty, it would have been nice to see it being used, but if I'm having a wild flower meadow Stuart wants a green house just like this one. We're going to need a pretty big garden!

Finally we headed inside the museum, and into the Natural History Gallery. 

The Natural History gallery was opened in 1901 when Victorians had spent a good few years going across the globe killing and stuffing whatever they found. Now I know these animals died decades ago, and that the studies happening around this time were invaluable for science and expanding our knowledge, but I still couldn't help but be a little sad at all the taxidermy on display. Although if you look closely you can see some of the exhibits have naturally deteriorated they still look alive, and these three were definitely judging me.

It was interesting learning about the difference defences animals have, from speed, claws, poison and spikes, so it was educational, but just a bit unnerving for a wimp like me. As well as taxidermy they also have skeletons and bones on display. I found the elephant one particularly fascinating.

My favourite exhibit though was the Merman, from 1919. Apparently sailors used to bring specimens like the Merman back to encourage tales of the mystical creatures. However most were made from the head of a monkey stitched to a fish tail. The Horniman Merman is made from a wire frame, wood, clay and fish. You can read more about him here. Despite not being real he's a pretty creepy fellow. Try not to think of him the next time you're in the sea and you feel something brush past your leg...

Leaving Manny behind we went to the balcony to check out the fossils.  Stuart enjoyed this section but for me, the best bit of the balcony was the view into the floor below.

It was starteing to get pretty noisy in the gallery so we waved farewell to the Walrus, and went to check out the musical gallery.

It was pretty dark in this room, so my photos didn't come out to well, but jackpot, we found the 'hands on room' before any kids did. That mean we got to check out and play some of the instruments. 

But like the pied piper our music must have called to the children because before we knew it the room was filled with kids tunelessly bashing, or licking (!) the drums and thumb piano. Leaving the room to the youngsters and their frazzled looking parents we headed back into the main music gallery.

And that was everything. We'd explored the Horniman in a morning. There was a paid exhibit (Robot Zoo) but again I assume aimed at kids so we didn't want to pay to go there, and another gallery that was closed until 2018. The museum was smaller than I expected, but interesting nonetheless. I've checked online and it seems they do different events throughout the year. I'm not itching to go back, but if you live locally definitely check them out and let me know what you think. 

All in all, a nice morning but I still prefer the Hunterian Museum, or The Musuem of Zoology, both in central London. Sorry South London, I'm not a convert yet but it was nice visiting.

7. Go on a 'rude place name' roadtrip

This week I set myself the challenge of Go on a 'rude place name' roadtrip. However I came across a little stumbling block. I can't drive - yet. It's a bit embarrassing to be in my (early!) 30's and never have learnt. I do plan to, but living in London all my adult life means I've never really needed to. When I suggested the road trip to Stuart, as the designated driver, he wasn't very impressed. I did promise to buy him lunch whilst we were out but he wasn't swayed. I can kind of understand it, driving across the country just so I could take photos of silly road names isn't the best use of a Sunday. So we came to a compromise, each time we go out for the weekend if we are near a rudely named street we can take a detour so I can take my photo and chuckle at 'Minge Lane' and 'Balls Street'. This is great and something for me to look forward to, but it didn't help my roadtrip, so I decided, damn it, it's my list, if I want to make it a walking tour instead of a road trip, that's what I'll damn well do. And it's what I did! With the help of a map The Inbetweeners put together for a Red Nose Day segment I had a list of all of the rude street names in my beloved London! For those of you who want to see the map the Inbetweeners used you can find it here.

My first street was up by Piccadilly, but as I got off the train at Waterloo I decided I would take the scenic route so I could spoil you with some touristy London photos, starting with the South Bank.

Now I have a love-hate relationship with buskers. I love it when they are talented and interesting, but absolutely hate it when they are just someone walking around in a 'Yoda' mask - where's the skill in that?! This guy, however, was fantastic. I'm not sure what he was playing, some sort of trumpet/sax/keyboard, but sounded very funky and he got everyone dancing in the sunshine!

Having enjoyed my musical interlude I continued along the South Bank to Westminster bridge. I decided now was my best opportunity to get a nice close up of the face of Big Ben before the scaffolding for the renovation completely covers it.

Across the river, I continued up past Downing Street, Horse Guards Parade and Trafalgar Square.

Having been given the thumbs up by the fourth plinth at Trafalgar square I rushed on over to my first rude name place...

I was very tempted to stop off for an ice cream at Swallow Street, but half the morning had gone already so I rushed around the outskirts of Soho, past the Glassblower (blower, tee hee) and through Carnaby Street to get to Swallow Place and Swallow Passage. 

Swallow Passage was perhaps the stinkiest alley I've ever had the misfortune to have to walk through. Hidden just off Oxford Street I feel it may be where Saturday night revelers go to relieve themselves, as it honked of stale piss. I really wouldn't recommend a visit. However, with three street names down, I decided to get back to the safe and familiar streets in Soho and treat myself to a late breakfast. I had just the place in mind but first I had to get to the other side of Soho. On route, I walked past the O Bar. This is one of the only bars still standing in Central London that I visited as a student, and I think its name qualifies for my rude name walking tour too. I enjoyed the nostalgia it brought me and having visited quite recently I can tell you it's still great and is a good place for reasonably priced cocktails (well, for London prices). As it was Sunday morning it was closed which meant I had to go for a more traditional breakfast. 

For years (and I really mean years) I've had the Maison Bertaux on my list of places to visit, and this was finally going to be the day I tried it! Maison Bertaux is the oldest patisserie in Soho, perhaps even in London. It has existed in Soho since 1871 and bakes fresh on the premises each day.

Spoilt for choice on pastries and cakes I kept it quite simple with a pot of English Breakfast tea and a pain aux chocolate - the perfect combination of English and French! The pain aux chocolate was flaky, rich, and buttery. The tea was, well standard breakfast tea and you can't go too wrong with that but I did I love having a pot to myself. They do have seats inside but as the sun was shining I opted to sit outside and people watch. I'm so glad I finally stopped here and I am definitely visiting again - apparently, the cheesecake is amazing. 

On top of this treat, I discovered a new shop/gallery had opened right next door. It didn't fit into my rude name road trip, but I didn't want to miss the opportunity of checking out The House of Minalima.

Minalima was founded by the two graphic designers who worked on all the Harry Potter films (and a few others). I had heard that there was a store in London but didn't realise it had three floors of beautiful displays as well. Entrance to the gallery is free but it can get busy so you may need to get a ticket and come back later. Luckily for me, my timed entry was only 15 minutes from when I popped in but that gave me enough time rush back next door to finish my pot of tea. I really enjoyed this little interlude, the tour guide was extremely helpful, explaining the progress of the designs and answering any questions that came up. Most, if not all, the questions came from me and she stayed at the end to chat a little more which I thought was kind of her - I love finding other geeks. Just as I was about to leave I decided to splash out and buy myself a Gigglewater print. I am now itching to frame it and hang it up at home.

My little breakfast break had taken longer than I had planned so I decided to get a move on and make my way towards my next place name. On the way, I cut through a lovely little Mews near Grays Inn Road (Clerkenwell). I decided this is where my townhouse will be when I win the lottery.

I then found myself outside the Charles Dickens museum. I really wanted to have a wander inside the museum, it's where he lived when he wrote Oliver Twist, but the day was pressing on.  I had already been distracted from my task by Harry Potter so I couldn't let another orphan slow me down. So with a note to come back another day I carried on to Roger Street.

My next stop was one of my favourite street names so far - Cumming Street. It's just along from Kings Cross, and isn't particularly notable, apart from the name of course.

I have to admit, by now I was starting to flag. There was a lot more walking than I'd accounted for (and I was the one who planned the route!). As I'd spent a good chunk of the morning meandering along the South Bank, and stopping for breakfast the day was rushing by. Therefore I decided to jump on a bus to take me towards my next street. I also grabbed an iced drink to enjoy in the park next to.... Helmet Row.

A couple passing by kept giving me strange looks but I decided I needed to get at least one selfie with a sign - as you can see, completely worth it. Helmet Row is not far from where I used to work, so I know the area quite well. I really wanted to take a quick detour to the Bunhill Burial grounds where I used to sit and each my lunch. It's also better known for being the burial place of Daniel Defoe and William Blake, but despite my urges to turn this into a literary tour I left that for another day. Now it was time to visit Cock Lane.

When I arrived at Cock Lane I realised I had been here before as I recognised the little golden monument of a chubby naked boy. Years ago when I'd started Uni, my friend, Mike had taken a group of us on a London tour and this had been one of the stopping points. The Golden Boy of Pye Corner was placed at the spot where they finally managed to stop the Great Fire of London. The monument is a fat little boy to represent the sin of gluttony (the fire having started at a bakery in Pudding Lane). With the requisite photo taken I wandered down to St Paul's Cathedral.

Cheating and jumping on a bus again I made my way towards Liverpool Street, and then, after some searching of the back streets I found Cock Hill. It seemed strange it was so difficult to find because once you are there the big blue cock on the wall confirms you're certainly at the right place. 

With the end in sight of my tour I passed by Monument towards my penultimate stop. Firstly though, to take us full circle from Golden Boy of Pye, let me tell you about Monument. This column designed by Christopher Wren was built to commemorate the Great Fire of London, and celebrate the rebuilding of London - history, literature, nostalgia, and rude place names, what a pic n mix of culture I've treated you to.

With a photo taken at Bush Lane I was almost done. I had planned to walk back towards Waterloo, and my final stop, taking you across London Bridge, past the Globe and The Tate Modern but I was bloody knackered. Instead I boarded one final bus to take me to the street name I'd saved until last, the one to sum me up that day - Pratt Walk.

And with that my rude name walking tour was finished. I had a lovely time, I may not have walked it all but I really enjoyed the little detours and stop offs I took. It was fun to be a tourist in my own city again and I think I'm going to be a regular at Maison Bertaux now. So what do you think - were there any street names you know that I missed?