This week I set myself the challenge of Go on a 'rude place name' roadtrip. However I came across a little stumbling block. I can't drive - yet. It's a bit embarrassing to be in my (early!) 30's and never have learnt. I do plan to, but living in London all my adult life means I've never really needed to. When I suggested the road trip to Stuart, as the designated driver, he wasn't very impressed. I did promise to buy him lunch whilst we were out but he wasn't swayed. I can kind of understand it, driving across the country just so I could take photos of silly road names isn't the best use of a Sunday. So we came to a compromise, each time we go out for the weekend if we are near a rudely named street we can take a detour so I can take my photo and chuckle at 'Minge Lane' and 'Balls Street'. This is great and something for me to look forward to, but it didn't help my roadtrip, so I decided, damn it, it's my list, if I want to make it a walking tour instead of a road trip, that's what I'll damn well do. And it's what I did! With the help of a map The Inbetweeners put together for a Red Nose Day segment I had a list of all of the rude street names in my beloved London! For those of you who want to see the map the Inbetweeners used you can find it here.
My first street was up by Piccadilly, but as I got off the train at Waterloo I decided I would take the scenic route so I could spoil you with some touristy London photos, starting with the South Bank.
Now I have a love-hate relationship with buskers. I love it when they are talented and interesting, but absolutely hate it when they are just someone walking around in a 'Yoda' mask - where's the skill in that?! This guy, however, was fantastic. I'm not sure what he was playing, some sort of trumpet/sax/keyboard, but sounded very funky and he got everyone dancing in the sunshine!
Having enjoyed my musical interlude I continued along the South Bank to Westminster bridge. I decided now was my best opportunity to get a nice close up of the face of Big Ben before the scaffolding for the renovation completely covers it.
Across the river, I continued up past Downing Street, Horse Guards Parade and Trafalgar Square.
Having been given the thumbs up by the fourth plinth at Trafalgar square I rushed on over to my first rude name place...
I was very tempted to stop off for an ice cream at Swallow Street, but half the morning had gone already so I rushed around the outskirts of Soho, past the Glassblower (blower, tee hee) and through Carnaby Street to get to Swallow Place and Swallow Passage.
Swallow Passage was perhaps the stinkiest alley I've ever had the misfortune to have to walk through. Hidden just off Oxford Street I feel it may be where Saturday night revelers go to relieve themselves, as it honked of stale piss. I really wouldn't recommend a visit. However, with three street names down, I decided to get back to the safe and familiar streets in Soho and treat myself to a late breakfast. I had just the place in mind but first I had to get to the other side of Soho. On route, I walked past the O Bar. This is one of the only bars still standing in Central London that I visited as a student, and I think its name qualifies for my rude name walking tour too. I enjoyed the nostalgia it brought me and having visited quite recently I can tell you it's still great and is a good place for reasonably priced cocktails (well, for London prices). As it was Sunday morning it was closed which meant I had to go for a more traditional breakfast.
Spoilt for choice on pastries and cakes I kept it quite simple with a pot of English Breakfast tea and a pain aux chocolate - the perfect combination of English and French! The pain aux chocolate was flaky, rich, and buttery. The tea was, well standard breakfast tea and you can't go too wrong with that but I did I love having a pot to myself. They do have seats inside but as the sun was shining I opted to sit outside and people watch. I'm so glad I finally stopped here and I am definitely visiting again - apparently, the cheesecake is amazing.
On top of this treat, I discovered a new shop/gallery had opened right next door. It didn't fit into my rude name road trip, but I didn't want to miss the opportunity of checking out The House of Minalima.
Minalima was founded by the two graphic designers who worked on all the Harry Potter films (and a few others). I had heard that there was a store in London but didn't realise it had three floors of beautiful displays as well. Entrance to the gallery is free but it can get busy so you may need to get a ticket and come back later. Luckily for me, my timed entry was only 15 minutes from when I popped in but that gave me enough time rush back next door to finish my pot of tea. I really enjoyed this little interlude, the tour guide was extremely helpful, explaining the progress of the designs and answering any questions that came up. Most, if not all, the questions came from me and she stayed at the end to chat a little more which I thought was kind of her - I love finding other geeks. Just as I was about to leave I decided to splash out and buy myself a Gigglewater print. I am now itching to frame it and hang it up at home.
My little breakfast break had taken longer than I had planned so I decided to get a move on and make my way towards my next place name. On the way, I cut through a lovely little Mews near Grays Inn Road (Clerkenwell). I decided this is where my townhouse will be when I win the lottery.
I then found myself outside the Charles Dickens museum. I really wanted to have a wander inside the museum, it's where he lived when he wrote Oliver Twist, but the day was pressing on. I had already been distracted from my task by Harry Potter so I couldn't let another orphan slow me down. So with a note to come back another day I carried on to Roger Street.
My next stop was one of my favourite street names so far - Cumming Street. It's just along from Kings Cross, and isn't particularly notable, apart from the name of course.
I have to admit, by now I was starting to flag. There was a lot more walking than I'd accounted for (and I was the one who planned the route!). As I'd spent a good chunk of the morning meandering along the South Bank, and stopping for breakfast the day was rushing by. Therefore I decided to jump on a bus to take me towards my next street. I also grabbed an iced drink to enjoy in the park next to.... Helmet Row.
A couple passing by kept giving me strange looks but I decided I needed to get at least one selfie with a sign - as you can see, completely worth it. Helmet Row is not far from where I used to work, so I know the area quite well. I really wanted to take a quick detour to the Bunhill Burial grounds where I used to sit and each my lunch. It's also better known for being the burial place of Daniel Defoe and William Blake, but despite my urges to turn this into a literary tour I left that for another day. Now it was time to visit Cock Lane.
When I arrived at Cock Lane I realised I had been here before as I recognised the little golden monument of a chubby naked boy. Years ago when I'd started Uni, my friend, Mike had taken a group of us on a London tour and this had been one of the stopping points. The Golden Boy of Pye Corner was placed at the spot where they finally managed to stop the Great Fire of London. The monument is a fat little boy to represent the sin of gluttony (the fire having started at a bakery in Pudding Lane). With the requisite photo taken I wandered down to St Paul's Cathedral.
Cheating and jumping on a bus again I made my way towards Liverpool Street, and then, after some searching of the back streets I found Cock Hill. It seemed strange it was so difficult to find because once you are there the big blue cock on the wall confirms you're certainly at the right place.
With the end in sight of my tour I passed by Monument towards my penultimate stop. Firstly though, to take us full circle from Golden Boy of Pye, let me tell you about Monument. This column designed by Christopher Wren was built to commemorate the Great Fire of London, and celebrate the rebuilding of London - history, literature, nostalgia, and rude place names, what a pic n mix of culture I've treated you to.
With a photo taken at Bush Lane I was almost done. I had planned to walk back towards Waterloo, and my final stop, taking you across London Bridge, past the Globe and The Tate Modern but I was bloody knackered. Instead I boarded one final bus to take me to the street name I'd saved until last, the one to sum me up that day - Pratt Walk.
And with that my rude name walking tour was finished. I had a lovely time, I may not have walked it all but I really enjoyed the little detours and stop offs I took. It was fun to be a tourist in my own city again and I think I'm going to be a regular at Maison Bertaux now. So what do you think - were there any street names you know that I missed?
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